An unapologetic, unabridged recounting of my awkward teenage diaries

Age 11-12

Starting Secondary school was a huge deal for me in that I’d just spent the last 5 years of my life under the thumb of a mini psychopath called Amy, who was my best friend and also a gigantic asshole who made my life misery. Her family thankfully moved to Scotland when we finished Primary school, so this was about the first time in my life I was ‘allowed’ to have any other friends (going to have to blame my social inadequacy displayed here on that one!). Her final dick move was to make sure I only put her name in as a request for who I’d like to be in a tutor group with (even though she was leaving) so I ended up in a group where I didn’t really know anyone. This actually worked out for the best in the end as our group was probably the nicest in the year. But if you’re out there Amy, seriously, fuck you. 

 

10th September 2003

Today was my first day at Secondary school. It was OK.The teachers are OK. The lessons were a bit boring because it was all about rules and safety and filling in our planners etc. I hung around Rachel and Zoe but that makes 3 (with me) so we can’t all sit together. All the other people I know from other schools have their own friends who they sit next to. At break we hang out with Hannah and Jodie. Also we hung a bit with Lydia and Daisy and co. Plus Maud and Becky. I kinda made a friend called Izzie ( I think, but she hangs around with Hannah, another kind of friend).

 

SUNDAY 26TH OCTOBER- Just too many fish in my sea 

I have no idea what sort of frisky stuff I’m talking about in this entry, considering I didn’t even have my first proper kiss until 13 and was what children of that age liked to call ‘frigid’ for several more years. On another side note, Doug was one of my brothers’ friends (i.e. 4 years older than me) and even if he did go for emotionally immature, basic 11 year olds, was not straight. 

Bloody hell! I haven’t written in almost 2 months! So much has happened! Ok. So after not a long time I went out with Tom but then I decided he is a such a twat. So then I went out with Rhys. BIG mistake, he is so ANNOYING but he’s always up for some frisky stuff. So then I tried George but, I dunno I don’t think he likes me I just think the he’s trying to use me to show off in front of Darren. Darren possibly up next.

For the last few weeks I’ve been madly in love with Doug Fraiser. SOoooooo cute! But then I thought if he doesn’t want me then I don’t want him. So there!

I’ve made new friends too. And I’m having a halloween party.

I’m best at french even though mum doesn’t help me. I’ve also joined orchestra. And the weird thing is I enjoy going to school, well that’s because Amy’s gone to Scotland! Woopeee!

 

Tuesday 4th November

Isn’t it horrible that feeling you get when your blood runs cold? Well I got it when I found out that my mum had very probably read the note that said I loved Tom S!!! I did really fancy him at the time but I hate him now!!

 

MONDAY 7TH NOVEMBER- strong arguments made here 

My mum is such a bitch! She can’t tell me who I have to be friends with, I can decide for myself. She goes bla bla bad girl bla bla detention bla bla Rachel is a bad influence blablabla you have to stay away from her and Zoe blablabla BLA BLA BLA! ARGH! It is SO unfair. I can hang around with who I fucking want OK. Rachel does get really annoying but Zoe, the only time I got annoyed at her is when she took my bubble gum without asking. She’s my best bloody friend for gods sake. I like her, mum has NO right to tell me that I’m not allowed to sit with her AT ALL!! I’ve got Luke (my boyfriend) and I like all the girls in my class (I don’t know if they like me) but they’ve all got little groups. Holly is alright but she usually sits next to Rebecca. Mum is such a bitch full stop! I want to stick pins in a voodoo doll!

 

MONDAY 1ST DECEMBER- I apparently invent spin the bottle

Soz I haven’t written. You know that boy Luke I wrote about briefly, well I dumped him in a letter. It was a real slushy gushy letter too and he showed it to everyone! I mean he said, you showed them the letter I wrote, but all he wrote was a few I <3 you and Luke 4 Olivia! Anyway the note WAS to dump him. But now I’m really jealous because he’s going out with someone and I really want to get back together but he loves Becca!

I went to a disco on Friday and most of year 7 played spin the bottle (organised by moi). Anyway the idea was that it landed on one person who HAD to kiss the person in landed on next! It was sooooooo much fun.

News flash! I am now going out with Rhys C after lots of arguing notes in art.

Zoe is getting fantastically annoying and I am really starting to hate her.

I kissed looads of boys at the disco.

 

FRIDAY 25TH DECEMBER 12:50 am- wait, Santa isn’t real?!

I can not sleep. I want to, but I can’t. I am very excited. And I now know that Santa isn’t real because I saw mum put my stocking on my bed.

Well on the Friday before last, I think Tom S swallowed his pen lid! He had to go into hospital!! It really made my day!

My school best mate is Izzie but she’s a bit of a control freak so I’m trying to keep her in order.

Back to Christmas. In my stocking I found a notebook and a cuddly reindeer. But see you in the morning! Merry Christmas!

 

Wednesday 7th January

I FOUND OUT TODAY TOM HAS A GIRLFRIEND! I will tell more tomorrow.

 

THURSDAY 8TH JAN- you can’t deny that logic  

Hello! Yesterday I said I found out Tom (my bro) has a girlfriend. I saw them holding hands! Today I got my spies to ask him things (well I TRIED to get my spies to ask him things) but in the end I was following him and he said ‘oh didn’t you know I was going out with her?’ Errr no actually since you never TOLD me! Anyway, her name is Jess. And to add to the evidence even more, one of my mentors said to me ‘Did you know your brothers got a girlfriend called Jess’. So there you go, seeing, admitting, spies, mentors, telling, and hand holding, the lot, this is definitely what they call <3 puppy love <3

Actually I’m quite jealous!

Oh and I’m going out with Rhys but to be honest, I don’t really like him.

 

SATURDAY 8TH FEB- an argument that would never have happened post invention of the digital camera 

Can only apologise, mum. Actually the best part of this entry is that every time I wrote ‘superbitch’ I did a little superhero drawing to go with it. So that’s nice, I guess. 

Sorry I haven’t written, and I haven’t even told you about crimbo and new year!! Anyway I have a bad cold. My b-i-t-c-h mother is in such a superbitch mood that I’ll probably have to go to school tomorrow. It started when I told her @ tea “What am I going to do for my art?” And then it started, I mean the superbitch thing. “Olivia, I made faces for you at breakfast” Err, did you SEE me with my book? And anyway what was I supposed to do MEMORISE that split second or something?! “And you could of done it on dad when he was cooking tea!” (Oh yes VERY easy to draw someone moving around all the time!)

“I don’t understand your mind Olivia”.

Well I do and I need to because I’m me so go away.

I know what I said she said didn’t sound TOO bad but the way she said it and all the other things she said! THEN I was upstairs having a private bitch when I decided to lift up the mirror and take it in to my room so I could draw myself pulling a face (art hwk: draw someone pulling a face). Mum comes up and starts rambling on about how I should not lift the mirror and what have I been doing for the last half hour and get your hw done now or you’ll go straight to bed. So I go downstairs to draw dad (mum’s suggestion/more like order). Anyway he would pull it for 2 seconds and carry on reading is book and then the next time he did it would be a little different. While I was doing this mum was crashing and banging in my bedroom. I raised my eyebrows significantly but dad said “you’ve made your mum cross you’ve ruined my sunday”. Err, HOW EXACTLY? It’s not my fault mum went superbitch 2day. Then when I go upstairs mum shows me all the stains my burner made. So then she says, no candles or water in your room EVER!! So now I have a stuffy nose because I can’t light my burner! ARGH!!! V bad day.

 

MONDAY 16TH FEB- all I want is a boyfriend who understands me, and who is also your boyfriend 

For all who are unaware, Myscene were a brand of dolls (like Barbie) but with bigger heads and better fashion sense and that were a bit more classy than Bratz. The stories that I came up with for my dolls were actually pretty fucked up. Ken used to be pretty abusive and Action Man would come and beat Ken up and carry them away, they were drug addicts, I’d dress them up in a wedding dress and get them to drown themselves in the bath (Britney inspired), I’d use mum’s eyeshadow and lip liner to put bruises and cuts on them. Actually the best thing to ever happened to my dolls was they’d sack off the guys and run off together. But hey, don’t worry, I didn’t end up a psychopath,  only a bit gay. 

I am SO BORED!! It’s Monday night and mum and dad are out. I can’t watch TV (I can’t change the channel because mum and dad are recording it) and Ben’s watching a DVD. I can’t use the computer as Ben and Tom are using them. Can’t talk to friends, too late is 9:50. I can’t really read a book ( I just finished the only book I felt like reading) I can’t play music (too much Muse and some other band too loud in the background). I can’t write a song (can’t concentrate), can’t play Myscene (no good plot in mind) and everything else I could do I can’t do for some reason or another. So I’m writing in here.

Anyway enough of that I really need to chat. I’m so jealous of Tom (my bro that is). It’s not fair, he has such a great love life i.e. loads of snogging, going out practically every night and being all lovey dovey. All I got is a boyfriend who didn’t get me a card but expected one in return! Plus  he doesn’t take anything seriously and looks grossified and shocked when I want to talk about me and what I want, like snogging and my puberty and stuff! Also apparently he was asking my m8 (bf) Izzie out! Well that’s according to Iz who is constantly trying to break me and Rhys up! Grr! I don’t believe her, naturally as she constantly tries to knock lies about Rhys into my head. It was great satisfaction when Rhys told her he loved me, not her. HA! Anyway, what happened was she tried to (when both of us were going out with him at the same time, we both knew of course) make me go out with Tom S (eurgh) so she could go out with Rhys and have him all to herself. Well it was so fantastic when Rhys said he loved ME and not her! She was bitchy of course at first but settled down after she called me a bitch for taking away her best boy mate. (what, so she was allowed to have him but not me?). She said sorry and was fine and is now apparently seeing Mat. The best ever boyfriend. He’s so gr8 he listens to you without complaint and loves finding out more about periods. He’s so fab, I’m love! Course Iz doesn’t care. If I went out with James (I wish ) she would blank me because she fancies him! Well I told her I loved Mat but does she care? NO!! She’s gr8 though, really caring sensitive, like me. But she is a bit clingy and selfish, but hey! She just had to experience her parents divorce and her mum’s got a new bloke. Well that’s all my moaning for now!

 

SUNDAY 22ND FEB- ‘must be all the music I’m listening to’ #angst

I’m so sick of my family! I mean, no one is ever on my side when it comes to me and my bros. My mum always takes my bros side, and my bros take each others side. My dad? Well he prefers to stay out of it I think. But when he occasionally joins in the ‘argument’ he takes the boys’ side too! ARGH!! Take tonight, all through the meal (apart from when they were eating) the boys were teasing my every move. When mum and dad got up to get pudding or something the brothers were being really horrible to me and I just stormed off. I hated it so much I had to hold my breath so I wouldn’t scream! At the end of tea mum said ‘dad never tucks his chair in’ and I said ‘the boys never take their glasses out’ and mum said something horrible to me. I can’t actually remember what it was (must be all the music I’m listening to) but it was in the boys defence! Grr!

 

FRIDAY 16TH APRIL- JUST want people to like meee

WOAH! I haven’t written in AGES! That is because I couldn’t find this thing. Anyway although theres a lot to stay I better start with what’s bugging me.

Going backwards

Today: Today, Jess comes over before me and mum go shopping. Dilemma 1: Mum has the worst taste in shoes (for me that is). Dilemma 2: Jess says that her brother is the best and he gets to hang out with her mates! I really want to be like this. REALLY REALLY!

Cringe: walked in on Tom and Jess about to kiss (aww). They stop, look at me and I walk out, walking the door frame on the way out going ‘ow’ in shame all the way up the stairs.

Annoyed: T + J are ALWAYS in there!

Jealous: well jealous cause Tom has a functioning love life, and jealous of Jess’ lil bro.

Sunday= EASTER in Ireland. Went to A. Sandra’s house for tea.

Upset: Watched really scary movie and couldn’t sleep until mum took me to the boys and Tom let me sleep with him (eew that sounds gross). Also upset cause I didn’t go shopping on Sat when I was supposed to.

Friday = v sore bum ( from 8 hours in the car)

Tuesday= nerves. Music exam. Very upset and nervous.

Yay: It went fine!! After, I got my ears my pierced in Claire’s Accessories.

Before that: nothing much

So now I found this I’ll write often- promise!!

 

4th October 2005 (over a year later)

Promises that small are hard to keep. Now my write in my Ally’s world journal.

Love

Livi

xx

P.S. I <3 Ross