An unapologetic, unabridged recounting of my awkward teenage diaries

Honestly Dad, be more considerate

There’s not really much use explaining carnival season in the south west to anyone outside the region because it’s just so fucking weird it really has to be experienced to be believed. Everyone knows what a carnival is,  but can you envisage a bunch of people dancing to 90s house, in some kind of obscure costume, on the back of a trailer pulled by a tractor, lit up by coloured light bulbs, followed by a troop of majorettes, who might be pre-teen girls, or who might be middle aged men in drag? Imagine all this, whilst standing in the pissing rain and cold because it’s November, eating candyfloss if you’re a kid, or enjoying a pint from the nearest pub for anyone over the age of maybe 12. If you’ve not been to a Somerset carnival, I strongly recommend you go to one this autumn. Alternatively, Bridgwater carnival is now so popular you can now live-stream it from your own home. But if you want a truly shit and authentic experience, I’d recommend a local carnival, particularly my local town, Castle Cary, which is less of the big exciting floats and more of the weird stuff. And truly the best part of carnival is lobbing your copper coins from your  money baggie at the cement mixers going past. 

The carnival was great on Sat except I felt weird introducing everyone to Rob and having him around. Still in my two tutus (blue and green) glasto top and utam london jacket, rolled up jeans, stripey socks and baggy indian trainer shoes I felt very bright. Oh and a ribbon tied to a bunch of tutu triangles in my hair and orange feather earring and bright multi bead necklace.

But then coz Rob was meant to be at the Wagon and Horses at 9 (although we thought at 9:30 we were a little buggered) but I had to be at the George at 9ish and they are far apart so I walked to the W + H with Rob so I got in deep shit and so did Rob. His mum thought he was drinking! The only bitch that did that was Louise! And she smoked and left Emily to come back to us coz of it.

Thought about breaking up with Rob. But didn’t.

Whilst my group of girlfriends (we referred to ourselves as ‘the six’) managed to remain friends to some degree or another until we went our separate ways after college, the amount we all used to fall out at school was, when I think about it, actually exhausting.  I think this was probably why I hung out predominantly with guys after school. But over time I’ve realised that the endless meaningless drama had nothing to do with being in a group of girlfriends, and everything to do with being in a group of girlfriends when you are 14.

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I cannot believe my so called friends! How and why Jenny do that? The bitch told Rob I was using him! In a very longer more shocking way. Thing is when I phoned Louise after to moan to her (and her to me) we found out she wrote it at Emily’s! God I really stonely hate Emily now. I bet it was her who got Jenny to write it because I can’t believe Jenny would do something so incredibly bitchy. I’m so ANGRY! I was so angry yesterday I threw something and Misty (my dog) got scared. And also they said (I’m gonna say they even though it was signed Jenny) ‘don’t tell Livi’ because she wont speak to me, which is true, I’m not speaking to them. In fact Louise told them her party was ‘cancelled’ because we feared I would push them in the bonfire! Anyway how was he not supposed to tell me?! I mean he’d wanna know if it was true wouldnt you the stupid c***s! He was crying for fucks sake. Hmm should be more of a man! (Way to push that toxic masculinity young child) 

Anyway, dunno what I’m going to do when we go to Bath. But I think I’m gonna get me and Louise to learn our language better so we can talk about that and the fact Louise is going out with Steve and that he doesn’t like her! 

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Got highlights put in. 

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Great night without Jenny and Emily! High on sugar and shandy (haha) and Guinness and burning plastic/steel fumes. Ha! That was funny. And the floppy disks. Hahaha!

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Rob is worried his parents might split. I said tell her not to break up with his dad, he was quite good looking! We laughed for the first time in ages!

Dad just came up and told me he’d have to ‘do something about it’ if I went on the computer for that amount of time again. Honestly if you had a bf whose parents might split and a friend who everyone is being nasty to and you are getting pulled into her guilt trip as she is refusing to say she has her hand up Jennys arse and Jenny told Rob you were using him, you’d be on the comp for ages too, wouldn’t you? Honestly. He should be more considerate. 

Went to Bath with Jenny, Emily and Louise today. Was literally sick with nerves this morning (but not physically). Was OK except after mum rushed me out of the house saying I’d ruin Louise’s day (14 today) Louise and everyone were late and I stood on the platform like a lemon/melon (couldnt decide which one was best). Anyway for the whole day I was trying to not speak to Jenny too much in case I killed her, which would ruin Louise’s day. Found that it’s hard to ignore and be cold towards one of your best and closest friends. At one point me and Louise just left a shop without them. Louise had to say ‘calm Livi’ at one point near the beginning when I was het up. Just walk away.

Wanna see Rob! Crazy about him again! Need my kissing kicks. And hopefully Louise will talk to him about the excess tongue Im not too keen on. 

Oh also a guy said he liked my shoes and this woman said she loved my jacket! All by or in Shrinking Violet which is such a cool goth shop! WANT THESE SHOES! Cheap as chips too (well not really).

Friday 20- something

After the Saturday truth and bitchy day in my mind the process of the aftermath for me is:

Sat: Angry- scream, throw things

Sun: Shout at and hate everyone

Mon: feel really upset someone could do that to you, especially one of your closest and best friends

Weds: The blanking: trying your hardest to blank the wrong do-er. Think of lemon curse

Fri: Talk to wrongdoer and suddenly realise you could also be a little bit of a wrongdoer. Think that as evil as it was it did have a point- they were trying to protect Rob- but I still want to get it all clear with the wrongdoer.

Decide to meditate and do spell to work harmony back into your friendship. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



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