An unapologetic, unabridged recounting of my awkward teenage diaries

My first kiss

Throughout life, I’ve really prided myself on my ability to pass the time with countless hobbies that I’m not very good at. So one of the ways I liked to pass the time in the countryside was as a member of Cary Amateur Theatrical Society (CATS). I did two shows I think in my time in C.A.T.S before I lost interest (classic me), one of which was Oliver and the other Annie. Also, I sometimes played sports. I’m really, really bad at sports, but I found my place in defence, where I got to be belligerent and hit girls with a big stick. 

27th Sept

Heehee! They gave me Pepper for Annie! Can’t believe it. I was so chuffed that I had to stop reading Darren’s letter, it was too depressing. I mean, how can he think it would work? He said he would swim the ocean to see me but I have Rob now! He said I should choose him over Peter because I deserved him. Me + him couldn’t even have a conversation let alone a laugh. I’ll probably never see him again. It was 3 1/2 pages long of his love for me + why I should choose him. I dunno how to tell him about Rob + never loving him. I never said that I really wanted to be with him! Soo messed up!

On a slightly brighter note, did hockey tonight. Leanne was so funny in her goaly outfit! I’m crap at sport! I’m doing this for Rob partly. Anyway, there I was talking about microwaved butter and jam + peanut butter when Josie went ‘LIV’ I was like ‘OH BALL’. I was pretty rubbish, but it was fun. Even though we lost 4-0! Miss massive thwack had a dent in her stick- she was thwacky- we called her pink-band-stuck-up-girl (genius) I’m sure they’re nice if you know em but the two side girls were like ‘they’ve only got ten players’ ‘that’s why they’re losing so bad’ ‘Miss, are you allowed ten players?’ And my double was whispering about me. Poo on pitch. 

28th Sept

Went to see Rob again tonight. I was so nervous on the way there my teeth were chattering! But talking was so much easier tonight. We didn’t go back to his coz there was a meeting going on but we went in his mums room and went on the comps. But ARGH so embarrassing we just were walking up to the centre to meet mum + he held my hand + I went ‘look the statue with no hands, I mean TITS, TITS!’ Fucking hell, had to ruin it at the last minute. Still at least did that + hugged tonight. Every time I see him my original feelings flooow back. Barn dance on Friday, want someone to come with, well two people so when me and Rob wanna go off someone can stay with someone, yeah? My big toe is SO SORE! I think I could of broken it- really nasty bruise.

I dunno what to do about ‘a star to be’ (a minor part in Annie but with a whole solo song) this Thurs cus Ivy really wants it but I think if I look confident enough I could get it + loud enough. Ergalmighty. Reading ‘One Child’, it’s so sad and depressing. Happy note- Rob.

29th Sept

NO chance of getting ‘star-to-be’. Cocked up soo bad. Was flat, was quiet, was shakey and forgot my happy movements. Oh well, got Pepper + I wanna get a maid part too.

But Rob is in shit cus this boy who’s bullied him started on his mate, so Rob said ‘leave him alone!’ + the guy smacked him one in the face. So Rob flipped and beat him up + broke his RIB! He feels like such a freak and everyone hates him almost. Seeing him tomorrow, trying to get two friends to come so I’m not totally alone with Rob but when we wanna be we can.

I honestly remember this following moment with such detail; I can see the dark football field we stood in the middle of, I can smell the wet grass, I can remember wondering what the heck to do with this tongue in my gob, I can feel how wet our faces were as we hugged afterwards and wiped them subtly on each other’s shoulders. Ah, what a momentous and romantic occasion it was. 

30th Sept

Holy fricking cow- I had my first kiss, with Rob!!!

It was so weird-not all that great but now I want more and I want it better! I don’t understand the point in tongue snogging I felt like I was biting him half the time! Hehehe! His brother came out and was like ‘get a room’, but we were on the bench by that time + he had no idea where we were! He was staring right through us at one point, soo stupid.

Anyway, we went outside and were walking + suddenly he just stopped + started kissing me! I was like ‘what are you doing?’ ‘what do I do?’ . He’ll get better-hehe.

Oh and he didn’t break that guy’s rib, he was having him on.



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