An unapologetic, unabridged recounting of my awkward teenage diaries

Year 9: new year, new romance… and a friendly reminder to warn your kids about creeps on the internet

3rd Sept

Post Alfest

(which, by the way, is a small, local festival in the town of Galhampton where South Somerset youths and adults alike gather to watch local bands and drink large amounts of cider, usually in the pouring rain) 

Wow, ages since I wrote but I can’t believe it cos


It was soo cool. I can’t believe I had to go so soon. Argh! I have to find out what happened! I have to see him again!

5th Sept

HAPPINESS LALALALALALA! Moving on from Birmingham man is not hard because I got ROB’S ADDRESS AND HE REALLY LIKES ME!! He said I was really pretty and Alannah says he said that he wants to get to know me a little better and ask me out! He also said on the barn dance he wanted to come over and ask for my number but he was worried I didn’t like him. He was worried I didn’t like him! He said he wasn’t texting it was just an excuse to look at me!!!!!! Back to school today but WHO CARES?! I LOVE ROB (almost!)

6th Sept

Couldn’t stop smiling today! I was smiling in maths, how weird is that?! Unfortunately I missed him by two minutes tonight! How annoying! My day has been fuelled by the prospect of me talking to him. Still, I have his number.

Moving on from that subject, it is so weird being called year 9!

Ahh well, I <3 Rob (almost)

Happy happy happy HAPPY

7th Sept

YESSSSSSSSS I’M GOING OUT WITH ROB! I’m so happy, I mean, yeah I have that feeling when you know, one day you’re gonna break up and maybe you’re gonna have to do it and I really hate that, but hey! I’m so happy!

9th Sept

Rob was crying tonight because of this stupid bitch Emily! I think he must of dated her because he said it was over years ago. But basically, she ruined his friendships with two people and made them hate him. The bitch. I am so pawning her ass if I meet her, she’s made him so unhappy I hate her. Because I<3 Rob, I really love Rob.

10th Sept

Been to the Smillies for dinner, had two as had to eat some of Ben’s meal for 2 thing. Father was incredibly pissed. Ended up talking about the poo Ellie found in the attic at work quite a lot. And names like Helen Back and Rich Bender! Was quite funny though.

I’m going crazy over Rob, i cant stop thinking about him, or worrying he’ll hate my moles.

My fingers have gone fizzy from the 6 hour msn today. Except some sick pervert tapped into our convo and sent what he said in an email. I tried to reply but I couldn’t, bastard. I’ll write a song.

12th Sept

Yeh, so I’m pretty sure this guy was not my age (not that that would make it ok) and sadly this wasn’t the first or last time I came across something like this in my diary and was like ‘what the fuuuuuuck?!’ The more I thought about it and the more instances I came across I realised that, jesus christ, I used to talk to loads of fucking pedos on msn messenger. Uhh..can we just enjoy my insanely naive reaction to this maybe? I mean I haven’t even snogged a dude at this point. Ha ha?

No I mean this bit is really not that funny I am literally just a child. 

Talked to Birmingham guy yesterday. Was funny. Played truth or dare but then he asked me to show him my bra, I said no. Then my tits, no. Then he said he was horny, did I want to see his cock? No, but thanks for the offer. I think he was joking, it’s OK.

He hee Rob is coming round on Wednesday, which is great and crap coz I was hoping to take him out with everyone on saturday so we would have something to talk about and there wouldn’t be so much pressure on me, with him at my house and all and him finding out how ugly I am.

However, he said he had a dream about kissing me a lot and I had a dream we had to make a formal apology for publicly snogging! Wow, I love him. Dad is gonna laugh so hard when he finds out! His mum sent Dad a text saying ‘did you know your daughter’s got a thing for my Rob so can we hurry up and practice so they can meet’. Luckily I deleted it before dad could twig. Honest I’m nervous to pieces! aaah! Mad about the boy!

Let’s end this on a delightful song I wrote. I especially love the bit where I just write ‘guitar’ like I obviously know how the guitar bit goes here.

Sing along everyone you know the words…

Oh, this is how the hacker song goes


This love was driving me crazy till I thought I might scream

This love was changing me baby, till the point of extreme.

You came along and showed us what you knew

And now we know exactly what you do


You told me to tell him ‘ I love you’

You tapped and entered till you knew the truth

You have no life to live or sense of gain

So fuck right off and stop this pervy game!

Old me and loners sit and watch them talk

But honey baby just go take a walk

You sit around with no idea what’s real

But you, you pervert dont know how to feel

Go fuck yourself or maybe masturbate

Coz all we feel for you is stone cold hate

All we feel for you is stone cold hate.

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